« Reap Respect By Changing Your Wimpy Speech Patterns!

September 15, 2009

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Many people learn as children to speak in pleasing, unassuming tones. Well-meaning parents and other adults encourage them to be overly considerate, so the words “I’m sorry” become a regular part of their vocabularies.

Women in particular are also conditioned to hint and cajole instead of simply asking for what they want. “Girls are taught not to boast, put themselves forward or try to claim credit in an obvious way,” explains Deborah Tannen, author of Talking From 9 to 5: How Women’s and Men’s Conversational Styles Affect Who Gets Heard, Who Gets Credit, and What Gets Done at Work.

But socialization isn’t destiny. You can develop a voice that says, “I know what I’m talking about, and it’s important that you hear what I’m saying.” Besides having a low-volume, low-energy way of speaking, many women often use a higher pitch to emphasize their point. But that girlish, Betty Boop tone comes across as passive and unsure, as if you’re afraid to actually let the message leave your head.

To crank up your volume and lower your tone, imitate people known for speaking assertively, such as Oprah Winfrey. We just don’t realize what good mimics we can be.

Another way to pack some punch with your words is to avoid “up speak,” the tendency to give the last syllable a higher inflection, which makes your statement sound more like a question. Though your intent may be to convey the thought “Don’t you agree?” or “Shall I go on?” the message you send is “I don’t really believe what I’m saying.”

If you catch yourself ending sentences on an upswing, just think, “Would Diane Sawyer ever end a newscast by saying, “This is Diane Sawyer for ABS News?”

Dianna Booher, author of Communicate With Confidence: How to Say It Right the First Time and Every Time, tells of a boss who decided to give a poorly performing administrative assistant another chance with a new assignment. In an attempt to water down the criticism, the boss told the assistant that she was being reassigned so the department could take better advantage of her strengths. However, the boss ended up sugarcoating the message so much that the inept assistant tried to ask her for a raise.

In an effort to avoid hurting another person’s feelings, you may wind up sounding so wishy-washy that your message is misinterpreted or not heard at all. It’s the “kinda, maybe, wouldn’t-it-be-nice approach.” What’s missing is certainty. You have to start trusting yourself to have a wish or an opinion, and state it directly.” For example, instead of saying to a colleague, “Could you help me with a project on Friday if you have time?” say, “Will you definitely have time to help me on Friday, or should I make other arrangements?”

Make statements short and sweet. You weaken your position by loading sentences with intensifiers such as “so,” “very” and “much,” or with too many adjectives and adverbs, when a bare-bones sentence of nouns and verbs would suffice.

Also, many people automatically apologize for all kinds of things that aren’t their fault or don’t call for an expression of remorse.
You may think you’re merely being polite, but too many “stories” make you sound wimpy. Next time you have the urge to ask for forgiveness, wait a minute and consider what your point would sound like without the apology. Then just say it.

Tiffanie Tillman is the founder and CEO of The Virtual Professionals - A Virtual Assistant Staffing Company, specializing in Internet marketing, online administrative assistance, website & blog content management and many more services. For several years Tillman has worked with clients in all types of industries. Her teams, consisting of hundreds of virtual assistants and professionals, have varied skill-sets and professional backgrounds. To reach Tillman, call 1.800.804.0476, send an e-mail to info@thevirtualprofessionals.com or visit her website at http://www.thevirtualprofessionals.com .


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